Friendship can be so confusing! Even Jesus made decisions about who to spend time with and who to avoid. Jesus also said we should love everyone. But then did He not also say that “bad company corrupts our life?” How do you know when to lean in to a friendship and when to pull away? The answer has a lot to do with evaluating the friendship from a perspective of purpose and influence.
What is my purpose for this friendship? Sometimes God just makes it clear to us that we have an opportunity to reach out and care for another person and “be like Jesus” in their life. We can make such a difference by being a good friend, showing care and concern and really learning and experiencing how to be a real Christian by not just making life “all about me.” It’s not about the other person being “our ministry project” either… I mean who wants that kind of friend? It’s about genuinely loving others for what we can give, not what we can get.
But if the purpose of the friendship is to make us more “accepted” or “popular” then there is a good chance there will be some serious peer pressure coming in the future to do things that God has made clear we are to avoid. This leads to another question.
Where is the influence in this friendship? Is there one person in this friendship that carries the bulk of the influence? Am I being a good influence on my friend or is it really a matter of my friend being a big influence on me? Influence is a powerful thing and when used for good, that’s awesome! But we have to be honest here and admit if a friend is strongly influencing me in the wrong direction something has to happen and it has to happen now!
Here’s how to know when to get away from a bad friendship according to Proverbs 1:10-19.
Bad Friendships Have This in Common
- Entice: You find yourself being pressured to do wrong in order to fit in.
Proverbs 1:10 My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not. - Involve: You find yourself moving from an observer to a participant.
So often others will say that you don’t have to “do it” … we just want you to tag along and be with us. Just know that it never really goes that way. Eventually they will say “join us.” Notice the word “us” in the following verses.
Proverbs 1:11 If they say, Come with us, let us lay wait for blood, let us lurk privily for the innocent without cause: 12 Let us swallow them up alive as the grave; and whole, as those that go down into the pit: - Entangle: You find yourself in a place you never intended to be, and you feel stuck. Bad friends lead you to places you promised yourself you’d never go. Not only are you there but you now realize you are guilty. You were enticed, you got involved and now you feel entangled as a bird in a net and are struggling to find your way out.
Proverbs 1:13 We shall find all precious substance, we shall fill our houses with spoil: 14 Cast in thy lot among us; let us all have one purse:
Here’s How to Get Out of a Bad Friendship
- Disconnect: Get away from them and make a clean break. Even Jesus made choices about who He would and would not spend time with.
Proverbs 1: 15 My son, walk not thou in the way with them; refrain thy foot from their path: 16 For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed blood. - Discern: Move ahead with a spirit of wisdom and discernment, knowing ahead of time where this type of friendship will end up.
Proverbs 1:17 Surely in vain the net is spread in the sight of any bird. 18 And they lay wait for their own blood; they lurk privily for their own lives. - Destruction: Regularly remind yourself how bad your life could end up if you don’t follow God’s wisdom about friendship choices.
Proverbs 1:19 So are the ways of every one that is greedy of gain; which taketh away the life of the owners thereof.
The great thing about having a personal relationship with God is that He is a “deliverer and restorer.” So please, if you are in a bad place right now with a friendship stop right now and ask God for forgiveness and ask Him to bring to your mind a caring, Godly adult that you can talk to as soon as possible to get advice and encouragement to follow God’s pathway out.
If you don’t mind, I’d love to hear from you about how God is at work in your life. You can email me, post a comment or even leave a voicemail at 423-381-0018.
Ken Turner
Learn more at https://kenturnerministries.org/walking-with-god/
Email me at kenturner@highimpactteens.org
