Seriously… it is possible because I could have succeeded at both! I graduated college in 1987 with a degree in youth ministry. I married the woman of my dreams on August 29 and started my first youth ministry on September 13, 1987. Of course like most first time youth guys, I had a few other responsibilities beyond just being a youth pastor. I taught about five hours per day in our Christian school. I decided that I wanted to be a good husband and I wanted to be a great youth pastor.
One of my first goals was to visit in the home of every teenager on the Sunday school roster. We had around thirty teens attending and around seventy on the roster. I began to set appointments for every night of the week (except Wednesday) to get into these homes.
I was on the fast track to becoming a great youth pastor! Our attendance started growing. My wife and I spent the first six months of our marriage out almost every night of the week visiting teens. By the time we hit the first anniversary, our youth group had grown from around 30 to almost 60 on a good night in youth meeting. Ah yes, the joy of success in the ministry! I could easily see 100 teenagers in our youth meeting within the next six to twelve months!
But wait, something was wrong. You see, Jennifer and I were struggling. We were tired, we were sometimes even kind of empty. That sinking feeling you get when you know something is not quite right was becoming all too common. I began to do some serious soul-searching. The real question at hand was, “What is a successful youth ministry?” I began to realize that we could be big. Isn’t it possible to be big but not godly? Our youth group could be strong in outreach but weak in unity. Our youth group could be strong in unity but very weak in outreach. We could have high standards but also be very judgmental and critical. I had to come up with an answer to this dilemma. How can I justify my methods as being pleasing to God?
Here’s how I did it… I chose to embrace these truths.
God wants me to be a good Christian more than He wants me to be a good youth pastor.
Are you more concerned with gaining respect and recognition for your ministry accomplishments or are you mostly concerned with cultivating a relationship with God? I realized God wanted my heart first. This was very freeing for me.
God wants me to be a good husband and father more than He wants me to be a good youth pastor.
The Bible says of Jesus that in Him was found no guile. This means that in Christ was found no hypocrisy, no inconsistency, or nothing fake. If the whole world thinks I am the greatest Christian leader but my wife and children do not, then the applause of the world means nothing to me. If my wife and children think I am the greatest Christian leader but the world does not agree it really does not matter because the opinions that count most are from those who know me best and those I love the most.
God wants me to evangelize and disciple and He wants me to make it my way of life. God does not want me to attempt to reach my entire city in twelve months or less! He wants me to reach my city, period. He has given me the ability to do all He wants me to do in a 24 hour period and He wants me to do it gracefully. He does not intend for me to live life at the speed of light but to know that His call for me is to be fulfilled over a lifetime, not just within the next few months.
God wants me to be a principled leader.
If I develop principles to guide me in leadership decisions then I will be a consistent man and God will not have to be ashamed of me for having huge blind spots in my life and ministry.
So remember that you have a life and a ministry. Speaking of having a life… why don’t you stay home tonight and enjoy your wife without feeling guilty about it. Better yet, she might want to go out on a date! It wouldn’t be a waste of your time. Besides, it’s what God really wants!
