The Importance of Loving Your Teen Unconditionally

Doing the Greatest Deed
The Importance of Loving Your Child Unconditionally by Ken Turner

Communicate unconditional love! I was speaking to a group of men who were all youth leaders in their local churches. During my session I mentioned the relationship we each have with our fathers. I said, “Wouldn’t it be priceless to get a letter from your own father telling you that all you have accomplished with your life is ENOUGH? It’s enough to make him proud and enough to earn his utmost respect. It’s just enough, period, and he loves you.” There was an unusual moment of stunned silence. It was as if every man in the session thought the same thing in unison. We all thought of the deep impact such a letter would have on us even though we were all well in to our adult life.

The point I was trying to make was simple. As parents we need to communicate to our teenage children that we love them unconditionally. The power of our love and acceptance is immeasurable.

It’s not so hard to communicate love to our teenagers when they are obedient… the big challenge comes during moments of discipline. It’s those things that hit us out of nowhere that the kids say or do and we react out of total frustration. It’s that explosive moment when we go into what my junior high son calls “spider monkey mode.”

Don’t Go “Spider Monkey” On Us! Teenagers can push a parent’s button at the wrong time! Jennifer and I have three teenagers. We have two high school girls and a junior high son. He says to me, “Dad, I need to ask you something but before I do I need you to promise not to go all spider monkey on me.” I guess that tells you that I have gone berserk once or twice since the kids hit the teen years.

Remember, when it’s time to enforce discipline on your teenager, it’s very important to discipline out of love.

I caught myself a few years ago disciplining my kids out of these wrong motives…

    * Inconvenience – It’s when we say, “Do you realize the hassle you are causing me right now? I don’t need this inconvenience.”

    * Irritation – We say, “You are really getting on my nerves. I am so irritated with you.”

    * Embarrassment – “What would the Jones family think if they saw or heard what you just did? You are really embarrassing me.”

But… here is the problem. If these are the messages I am sending to my kids, then the real message is all about ME. It’s clear that my message is not that I care about my kids but that I care about my own peace and quietness. A life without the hassle of rearing a teenager!

    * Unconditional Love – The true motive for disciplining my teenager should be rooted in an unconditional love for him or her. Our message should be clear, “I love you so much I cannot sit idle and watch you make this mistake. I don’t indict you for messing up, because we all mess up sometimes, but I must step in and discipline because I love you so much.”

 The next time your teenager needs correction, please do correct him or her but do it from a heart of unconditional love!